NEW CANNIBAL SCARE IN GB
Crowle an ancient “MARKET TOWN” in North lincolnshire has recently been made aware of a severe case of “cannibalism” in the area of “DOLE ROAD CROWLE MOOR”.
Fear is the notorious informous “PEAT BOG MAN may have risen from the dead again
PEOPLE AND CHILDREN ARE NOW BEING ALERTED TO THIS DANGER
The Epworth Police became rapidly (or rabidly) involved but due to the lack of witnesses, or incest, to ethe severe molesting of a man by an attempt to cannibalise him. Also due to the fact that had not been called out to deal with this kind of event for three centuries They are now asking theif any more of the “GOD FEARING METHODIST FRATERNITY” have any other cases of mutilation of humans or livestock at farm adjacent to this anceint peat bog. Or have come across CROWs with bite marks appended.
A DISCRIPTION OF THE CANNIBAL FOLLOWS HERE:
Wild eyed, furry faces, blacked up for anonymity, disevelled,abusive,screaming animal sounds,heavy breathing sounds (panting). Blooded face,probably bieces of arm between clenched teeth,and brandishing a environment or planning officers clipboard muting “electric”
ONE SUSPECT: known for his tree chopping and intillectual tallants (fairy stories and lies) Firstclaimed insanity, for making a statement admitting biting,a lump, as late for his dinner (the attach was at dusk).When cautioned his admission of biting could be GBH, he then recanted, and alleged that HE was the victim,and not the perpertrator (“stating so prove its my teeth marks) (if you can”) ??????? Cliaming the real bog cannibal has 16feet arms
FOR FURTHER AND INFORMATION OF “DOLE OFFICE”
Enquires “MAY” be answered by phone 01724 296000 or email, simondriver@northlincs.gov.uk
FOR TIPS ON HOW TO CATCH A PEAT BOG MAN?, by using an automatic window closure device contact o1724 2967387 or e-mail timallen@northlincs.gov.uk Award pending
THE DEAR DEER SHOOTING COMMUNITY (no shooting accidents yet) have denied the new high tower hide has anything to do with any members erection to shoot the bog cannibal Spokesperson Bob said: “the high tower was erected to film “decoy” ducks on the newly dug pond”, “In the barley field across the public road and not to shoot the wild dear deer or Bog cannibal.
The predessorsof these wild deer have live on these moor, it is their ancesteral land.
However Lincolnshire has fenced and topped with barbed wire a conciderable area and has replaced the deer with a flock of hebridean sheep, which are alien and have previously been grazed on these peat moors. e-mail:info@lincstrust.co.uk,; or CEO plearoyd@lincstrust.co.uk, phone 01507522667
BARBED WIRE AND FAWN DEER , unfortunately the fawns are unable to jump the fence when morther are fleeing hunters guns and are often found dead impaled on the barbed wire. Stag heads are fetching upto £1000 each
One unnamed local councillor said ” somedays its like the OK Corral at dawn and dusk, there is a huge illigal market for Vennison.”
NOTW is unable to print this story yet!!!!!!!!!!
All USA news paper please copy, (Headline Cannibulism spreads to UK
God Save Us All. JIM.